September 01, 2005

I painted a sky that she guessed was the sea.

I was really quite bored, plus the fact that I have this mental note in my mind that I wanted to 'clear out'. So, I decided to paint, just like how I imagined I would when I first saw the sky from where she was pointing. Actually, I thought it turned out pretty fine. I mean, I was ready to tear from my sketch book, let it dry and use it as a card kind of thing. But, I tore it while tryin to tear it out. So, I guess it's a goner.

She came, I showed, she asked. No, darling, I didn't draw the sea. Good try! I'm slightly better with dry colours, like crayons.

xxx

Do not leave any spaces between us.

I went to the Spook Show last Saturday. It's the 2nd time I got invited to such magic performance by the Christian community.

The thing about magic for un-gullible, jaded people like me, is that... magic loses its charm until the magician shares the tricks of the trade. So, I was sitting there, looking at all those deceptions (the word used by the magician, who is also the Pastor), thinking... 'Seen this before... what's next?' I was very close to falling asleep. So were the people who went with me.

Naturally, we didn't stay to finish hearing the 'Turn to God' talk after the show. Somewhere in the mid of the show, I remembered Annie and Snow telling me about the movie 'Devil's Advocate' during our very first GID. And, I was like... really, who's the devil?

Do not leave any spaces between us... Fall into the light. hmm...

xxx

Grief... a word that cannot begin to describe itself.

A colleague's husband passed away a couple days ago. Of Dengue fever, the fatal strain. My colleague is rather young, in fact, not that much older than myself. However, she's been married with her husband for many years.

I am hardly close to this colleague. The only few words we exchanged were those regarding her class students' overdue library books. But I felt really sorry and sad after hearing about his passing away. Sad enough not to be able to make any comments about it.

Honestly, how does one express condolences? I didn't go to the wake because I really didn't know what to do or say in time like this. I think, unless you know the deceased personally, and therefore may be able to share your feelings and appreciation for the person with the loved ones, it's really difficult for others to share grief. Besides 'I'm really sorry', what else is apt in such time? We all overcome grief, somehow. But, while we are still overcoming it, whose strength can we really borrow from except our own?

Death doesn't really frighten me. Death of my loved ones does. Whenever I hear news of grief of people around me, I get a bit affected by how life is so impermanent, so unpredictable. In the face of it, we are helpless, clueless and totally ignorant subjects, just waiting for it to creep up on us.

xxx

In my draft, I typed the word 'youth'.

Now, I can't remember what I was supposed to blog about that might revolve around this word. Jeez...

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 00:35